Randomness and Nascar

Yep, the page is down again. Not that I have been posting much lately, I have had alot on my plate. But I still read, and catch up with my Threats. But when its down, i feel so frustrated. But I digress.....

I worked 5 days this week. FIVE days. I havent done that in over 3 months. It really took its toll on my body, my mental health, my emotional health. Im exhausted, to say the least. Working full time is for the birds, haha. I know people have to do it, and I am blessed to not have to. I was doing a good deed, and you know what, it wont happen again. It was just bad timing. Nobody's fault. Just unfortunate circumstances. Onward and upward.

I start school on Monday. Like physically having to go to school. Im taking another online course, and one class that I have on campus. I wonder if I will be the oldest person in my class. Its okay if I am, just makes me more proud of my desire to go back and get that degree. I will have one before I turn 40, mark my words.

I dont have anything really interesting to write about at this time. I mean, I do, but I choose not to talk about it right now, for a variety of reasons. In reality, Im just a tired girl, wanting alot of sleep, and maybe a massage.

But just in case you didnt know, next week, Im going racing friends!! Its my race weekend at the Auto Club Speedway (formerly the California Speedway) I will be braving 100 degree weather, for the opportunity to stalk some of my favorite people in the world (Jeff Gordon) Im a dedicated fan. Im also insane, but thats neither here, nor there. I live for this weekend. I get this sense of excitement, almost like I am high! This is my happy place, where I feel complete. All of my senses are alerted, the sights, the smells, the sounds......I cant explain it. While Nascar isnt for everyone, I invite you all to attend a race in person (tv doesnt do it justice) and maybe you can begin to understand how I feel. This week will drag on, til Friday, then the weekend will fly right by. And I will not have this feeling again until next February......sad.....

here are some examples of why my weekend will rock


Here is me and Kurt Busch. This was on his personal website. Im a celebrity!!


Here is Brian Vickers, my babies daddy, looking right at me. Yum


The great one....Jeff Gordon. Yep, I was that close to his car, with him inside.

I have a million of these.....but I wont bore you anymore......

DPO and POAS

If you dont know what that means, then you arent supposed to know. So there...:P

Tomorrow is 11dpo.....should I POAS, or not? Normally I am a waiter, last time around I waited til 16dpo......but this time...ugh....I dont wanna wait. Im confused....and torn.....tune in tomorrow.

Overly sensitive

I never considered myself an overly sensitive person. In fact my closest friends used to label me "dead inside" because I never looked like I felt any emotions. In all actuality, I feel deeply, I just hold everything in. I dont want people to know how I am feeling....if I want you to know, I will tell you. And lately (when I say lately, I mean in the last year or so) I have become so sensitive, and I get my feelings hurt easily. But I still am unable to convey these feelings. And more often than not, I overanalyze whatever it is that I am feeling sensitive about, and try to convince myself that I am overreacting to things.

Maybe I am, but what if Im not. Most days, Im looking for validation. Tell me something good. Tell me Im a good wife, sister, daughter, friend, acquaintance, teacher. Something to make me feel that I am someone of worth. I dont need it everyday, but every once in awhile would be great. Especially if you notice I am doing something out of the ordinary, or overly spectacular.

(for the record, Karen is wonderful at this. She tells me how much she misses me when Im not at work, and this does wonders for me. Her friendship is so valuable to me, some days it really makes me feel like a million bucks)

I think after my loss, I felt like quite the failure at life. I couldnt keep my baby safe, therefore, I cant do anything right. Im pretty sure this is normal (thats what my therapist says, anyway) but it doesnt make me feel any better. Im not sure what I am asking for, but I wish I could react less to things that probably dont matter in the grand scheme of things. I need to quit being a "thoughter" Maybe its just PMS, or maybe its not....PMS is a cop out, i didnt mean to use it as an excuse for having feelings. Sometimes, I liked it better when I was dead inside.....

I hate stupid people

You know, I say this quite often. I wish someone would just pack up all stupid people and put them all on one island. That way us intelligent people wouldnt have to be irritated with such idiocracy on a daily basis. Here are a few cases in point:

For the record, yes, I am well aware that I am not a parent (yet). I hate people that tell me not to judge their parenting skills because "you havent been there" That may in fact be true, but I do have one thing going for me, its called common sense. I dont think you need to be a parent to utilize that tool. So here goes

Hubby and I went out to breakfast last weekend. The restaurant we ate at has quite a long wait on weekends. We are aware of this, and we deal with it. There is a starbucks right next door, we buy a coffee, and wait patiently. Anyway, off tangent again.....so this family is waiting, right along with us. They had a young child maybe 2ish, not older than that. I guess he didnt appreciate the long wait, hunger got the best of him, so his parents whipped out a bag of Cheetos for him to snack on. CHEETOS? Give me a fucking break. CHEETOS?? I hate people....

I have a million stupid parent stories. I work in day care after all. I think one day I will write a book about all the stupid things parents do and say to us day care providers. Here are a few things I have been wanting to say for years:

-I dont care if all your 11 month old wants to eat is grapes and hot dogs, those are choking hazards fucking idiot. They arent even supposed to know what grapes and hot dogs are for crying out loud. That also goes for peanut butter, strawberries, fish, popcorn, all these foods are dangerous for infants! COMMON SENSE people.....

-Bringing your baby to school after shots-frowned upon. Imagine you are 15 pounds of love, and someone just jabbed you with 1-3 needles, and dumped you off in a place where there are 7 other kids, some screaming, some trying to crawl over your injured body, some whacking you upside the head with a toy.. Im sure all you want is a comfy cozy lap, some TLC, a little quiet place to recover. Your day care providers would really rather you took the rest of the day off. Or at the very least, give them some tylenol....and yes, I understand you cant take too much time off of work, job is important, sick leave is limited...blah, blah, blah.....I really dont want to hear that crap. Its your baby!!

- Bedroom slippers are not appropriate footwear for 4 year old children. At preschool, we are running, jumping, riding bikes, climbing, playing in the sandbox, etc. Appropriate footwear is appreciated. Also not really acceptable, flip-flops, plastic dress up shoes that came with your halloween costume, mom's high heels....

-it is your responsibility to pack your child a healthy, nutritious lunch on a daily basis. Im not saying get fancy....a main dish, veggie and fruit isnt too much to ask. A hot pocket and gummy bears is not an acceptable lunch.

I honestly could go on, but I will save more for a later day. Again, I hate stupid people....

Are you kidding part 2......

You know, people really should give a 24 hour notice when things like this are gonna happen. I am a planner by nature. I like notice, it makes me happy. Then I can plan my day around things. On my stay home days, I peruse Ovusoft, reading nonsense, chatting with my girls, being overall nosy. Now, who knows when the maintanence is going to be over.....this bites the big one. Now I must go spend money or something productive like that, to kill time....LOL! Shopping is dangerous....especially now that I only work part time. Ugh.....

Hi Threats.....xoxoxoxoxox......

Obsessed?? Maybe.....

So everyone has things in their life that they are passionate about. I dont mean hobbies, or things you enjoy doing, I mean PASSIONATE!! Like rip someones clothes off and make sweet love to them passionate. Remember that episode of "Friends" where they have the list of 5 people you are allowed to have sex with and your significant other cant be mad about?? Well, I am very passionate about my list!! And I have more than 5....but less than 10. My list consists of mainly sports figures, with a few celebrities thrown into the mix.

Well a member of my list was pitching at Petco Park (stadium of my hometown San Diego Padres) and of course, I had tickets to go to the game. Row 11 on the visitors side. I took 140 pictures of this guy. I know 140!?!?! Im a bit obsessed. What am I gonna do with 140 pictures you ask?? I have no clue. For the record, I narrowed it down to 94 pictures, most came out fuzzy, simply because the mere thought of being so close to said player, make me shiver inside. Am I crazy, YES. But you cant accuse me of not being loyal to my players. And for the record, I am happily married, content with my life, but a girl has dreams, some of them sexual and fantasy based, so let me have my moments will you. So for inquiring minds, here is my list, in no particular order

Person in question-Barry Zito of the San Francisco Giants. He also used to play for the Oakland A's, and happens to be from San Diego originally. Hes a bit scruffy, and unkempt, but that just makes him hotter in my book.




Troy Glaus of the St Louis Cardinals, used to play for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Also a home town boy. He was also recently in town, and I was at that game, and I took a great number of pictures of him too, but not as many as I took of Barry.



Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins. This one makes me feel like a cradle robber of sorts, since he is only 20, but I cant help it. Hes a cutie



Brody Jenner-reality TV star, also son of Bruce Jenner. He's dreamy....



Jeff Gordon- the best NASCAR driver this world has ever known, and holds a personal record in my world. I have taken over 1000 pictures of him, and will continue to add to my personal collection for as long as I can. The only member of my list that I have had actual physical contact with. Not once,but twice, and actually threatened to throw up on him once.




and last but certainly not least, Matthew McConaughey. No words are necessary


So, yes, I am stalker of sorts, obsessive, but in a good way, and I know what I want. I wonder what would actually happen if I was propositioned by one of these fine men. Hmmm......

What the hell??

How am I supposed to survive when my core website is down for maintenance?? Im dying over here.....

Thats it I have 10 things to blog about, but not right now. haha.....